“As I grew older it got easier, and I was more comfortable with myself. Thankfully, my parents weren’t too tech-savvy so even if they saw the Grindr icon they wouldn’t even know what it was,” he laughs. “When I wasn’t out to my friends yet, I hid the app on the last page of my phone, in some folder called Dictionary. When checked, DAI transforms the standard Grindr icon into something a little more innocuous, and the app would sit on the app gallery on their phones, disguised as calendar or notes app. One of Grindr’s functions is the Discreet App Icon (DAI) option that users can utilise. Yet, this wasn’t necessarily always the case. Luckily for Chris, he has lived in a more tolerant society for much of his life, and is comfortably out amongst all his friends and most of his family.
Most victims don’t report it to the police because being gay was far more stigmatised then.”Ĭhris raises the point that potential prosecution could’ve been a deterrence for victims to report the crimes-a direct reference to Section 377A of the penal code here in Singapore. “There are also the risks involved with this dangerous method of meeting people, and I’ve heard stories of people getting drugged or raped. “I heard that Ann Siang Hill used to be the hot spot for gay cruising,” he laughs. For him, the extent of his knowledge about the non-verbal cues used in cruising extended to stories he would hear during coming out workshops he attended. Unlike men who relied on non-verbal cues, 26-year-old Chris has never had to use any of them, because Grindr was already huge when he came out of the closet. I would also hear horror stories of men being thrown out of home after coming out to their families.” “Back then, there were many more instances of getting harassed, so it wasn’t safe to come out in a public way. The handkerchief code went a step further than the earring: different colours indicated a different preferred sexual activity, and placement on the left or right back pocket indicated if you were a “Top” or a “Bottom” respectively.Īside from the logistical purpose these codes served, they were also necessary due to societal and even familial disapproval of homosexuality. Some methods to indicate interest included “the loitering, the furtive glances, circling around each other, the momentary meeting of gazes that lingered longer than casual scanning, the almost imperceptible head nod, the slight smile, the tilt of the head that indicated the direction of the toilet”.īack then, people would wear an earring on their right ear, or have a coloured handkerchief hang off the back of their jean pocket as a way to indicate to other gay men that they were gay too. “They would take me to old cruising grounds like Plaza Singapura or Raffles City, and point out men who were cruising there, telling me what to look out for,” he says, referring to non-verbal cues that were used by these men. This is something taught to him by older members of the community. With society not being as open-minded as it is today, along with negative stereotypes of gay men due to the AIDS scares in the 80s, being covert would have been key.Īccording to Glenn, who is now in his early forties, he had to make the effort to go to malls and hang out within a specific area to cruise. What did gay men in Singapore use to do before Grindr was conceived? Aside from online forums and chat rooms, such as Fridae and Trevvy, how did they identify and hit on other gay men? Cruising as a gay man was almost too easy, especially with Grindr.
As Captain Vanilla exclusively wears boat shoes on dates, I was almost jealous. Within five minutes, I received no fewer than three sexual propositions from men in my vicinity.
All you need to do is to download the Grindr app like I did to understand why they’re more “Neapolitan”. The term “Vanilla” is often used in jest by gay people on straight people. Odds are, their favourite flavour of ice cream is also actually vanilla.
They install Tinder on their phones, go on a few dates, then settle down with their third match and have boring vanilla (missionary) in their Punggol BTO until the day they die. They dress the same, eat the same, and even date the same.